Thank you Nickelodeon

This is going to be short. Not only because Zumba kicked my ass, but because it's button week and I need to save my fine motor skills.

Today I was giving the diagnostic preschool test to one of my English Language Learners.  The test is basically to find out where the child is developmentally.  Point to your nose.  Can you jump? Hop 3 times. Etc.  In the afternoon, I administered the exam to H, my student who only speaks Arabic.

When I asked H what color the block was, he responded "blueberry".  Okay, I thought, I'll give it to him.  We just had our berry exploration and he's probably remembering that blueberries are blue.  Then I asked him what color the yellow block was.  I couldn't describe the look on his face, but it was somewhere between confident and excited, as he shouted "sunshine".  His dad told told me last week during a home visit that H has been learning English from watching Nickelodeon.  This is what happens when kids learn English from a TV show. I love my life.

Goodbye Teachers and Friends,
Miss Glass

Best Moment of the Day:
A and Y: Miss Glass, Miss Glass look what we found!
Me: What did you find friends?
A and Y: There are buttons on this puzzle! Under this number there are buttons!

Funniest Moment of the Day:
M: "E, you be the baby when we're playing and I'll be the mommy."
E:  "Well I'm not a baby. Babies are at home. I'm E (first name) S (last name)! 

Grossest Moment of the Day:
Me: P take that marker out of your pants. Do we put markers down our pants? No. Markers stay out of our pants.

A Sense of Urgency

Dear Friends,

     Today is Friday, September 23, 2011. The weather today is sunny. I predict the weather tomorrow will be sunny.  The color today is pink. The shape today is an octagon. The letter of the week is a Bb. This is a big B. This is a little b.  Some words that begin with B are boot, bean, baby, brain, and bug.

                                                            Love, Miss Glass

In preschool you have to be spontaneous.  You never know what could happen at any given moment.  Sometimes after breakfast I'll take my big kids to the bathroom and everyone will complain that they 'don't gotta use it'. Sometimes, big kids will beg me for a bathroom trip.  I explain the sense of urgency to my friends by saying "big kids use the bathroom quickly and quietly. Who can show me they can use the bathroom like a big kid?" I send 3 into the boys and 3 into the girls- there are 3 stalls in each. With a classroom of 17 friends, this process usually takes around 8 minutes.

One of my friends P, has a tendency to play in the bathroom.  On Friday, after he'd been in the bathroom for a solid 3 minutes, I shout in "P, quickly and quietly!"  Just as my principal is walking by, in the loudest voice I've ever heard P use, he exclaims, "I'M POOPING!" Legitimate.

Well, I could take the other 16 friends back to the classroom while my teaching assistant stays with our bound big kid, but she's on her break. The bathroom we chose to use was right next to the stairs leading up to the cafeteria, and the lunch rush was coming any minute. We're trapped. I got sixteen 4-year-old's squirming in the hallway, and one squirting in the bathroom and I don't know what to do. I'm trying to bridge the achievement gap, and shit's getting in my way. Literally.

"Alright friends sit down on the blue line."  After we got through the ABC's, counting to 50, identifying all of the colors that we were wearing, clapping the syllables in all of our names, and singing the days of the week song, I decide to check in with P.  "How you doing, P?" "I'M WIPING MY BUTT." Really? I asked how you're doing not what you're doing. Cool.  At least my principal wasn't walking by- this time it was the very attractive, very young, and very single, Family Advocate working at my school. I gave him one of those looks- the 'yes this is what I do everyday and I love it' one.

Best Moment(s) of the Day:

Push in Special-Ed Teacher: "Good Afternoon Favorite Class! Miss Glass, I love coming into your room. The culture you have is so supportive and loving."

Me: "Oh, I'm sorry H, block center is full. Take your ticket and choose a new center." (H takes his ticket and slumps away to a new center)

D: "No H, I will leave blocks so you can play here!"

Funniest Moment of the Day:

Me: (reading Where the Wild Things Are, in a circle next to all of my friends) "That night, in Max's room a forest grew".

M: (stands up, walks over to me, and hugs me) "I love you Miss Glass."

Me: "Thank you Maya, but what did we talk about when you want to hug someone."

M: "Well, I know that I'm supposed to ask but I knew you'd say no because you're reading but I just really wanted a hug."

Grossest Moment of the Day:

J: "Ooooooo, Miss Glass look!"

Me: "What did you make J?"

J:"No look at my tissue. The buggers are green!"

Goodbye Teachers and Friends,

Miss Glass

Your Vision Doesn't Align with My Vision

Dear Friends,

     Today is Monday, September 19, 2011. The weather today is cloudy. I predict the weather tomorrow will be sunny.  The color today is green. The shape today is a diamond. The letter of the week is a Bb. This is a big B. This is a little b. Some words that begin with B are bear, baby, bumble bee, butterfly, and box.

                                                            Love, Miss Glass

It's incredible how throwing off the routine of a 3-year-old ruins an entire day. "Friends, today we are going on a special visit.  We are going to visit a lady who will look in our eyes to make sure that we can see well." I prepared them all day long. "After recess, instead of walking to our classroom to brush our teeth, we are going to go to a special room.  When we walk in, we will sit criss-cross applesauce, keep a bubble in our mouths, and you will show me your brain. Is it scary?" "NO." They were prepared. They knew what was coming- until the vision screening people didn't show up. First problem.  You tell a 3-year-old they're going on a special trip and they expect to go.

"Okay friends, it looks like our special lady is not here yet. Let's go back to the classroom." This was followed by chaos. The kids were lost, but I knew I could recover. So we walked back to the classroom (8 minutes behind schedule), and brushed our teeth.  We had a new friend join the classroom today. "A DOESN'T HAVE A TOOTHBRUSH. HOW CAN WE BRUSH OUR TEETH WHEN A DOESN'T HAVE A TOOTHBRUSH. WHAT DO WE DO?" As if this one child missing a toothbrush suddenly made everyone else's toothbrushes disappear. "Friends, it's okay, I have a toothbrush for A." Problem Solved.

After re-teaching how we brush our teeth (now 15 minutes behind schedule) and then actually brushing them, we sit down to read a story, and then get ready for nap time.  It's okay, they won't even notice they missed 15 minutes of nap time, it will be better, maybe now they won't be smack dab in the middle of REM sleep when it's time to wake up.

And then it happens. I get a call just as my last friend falls asleep. "Hello Miss Glass it's J from Kansas City Vision Whatever. We're all set up and ready for you to come down." Really? Obviously. Alright, it's okay let's get this over with. I play the Raffi tape I usually wake my friends up with, Rise and Shine, and wake up a room full tired, cranky and confused 3 and 4 year olds.  I can't even describe the chaos in the room at this point.  I was called 'Mommy' at least 6 times in 5 minutes (compared to my usual 5 times a day), 4 of my 17 big kids were hysterically crying, one friend wet himself while he was sleeping, 2 big kids were in an apparent coma (to the point where they were literally sleeping standing up), and my teaching assistant decides this would be a good time to take her break.

30 minutes later, we got through it with no broken bones, and just a couple soggy eyes.  Nothing a little Latin Dance can't fix.  Today, I made the good choice of staying for two Zumba classes.

Best Moment of the Day:

P: (special needs child who rarely talks) "Hey Glass, (holds up a banana) like a monkey!"

Funniest Moment of the Day:

Me: "Friends, raise your hand if you can tell me your favorite part of the story we just read."

M: "Well my favorite part was you reading it, because I just love hearing you talk Miss Glass."

Grossest Moment of the Day:

Me: "E you need to take smaller bites, that's too much food in your mouth".

E: (spits it into my lap) "There, Miss Glass now there's nothing in my mouth."

Goodbye Teachers and Friends,

Miss Glass

Kleenex and the Bible

One of my big kids asked me if my dad was God the other day. I took it as a compliment. Right now, to my big kids, I'm Jesus.  Cool, I could do Jesus, but I bet he didn't wipe as many noses as I do.  It's unbelievable.  My mentor said it would be a good idea for each student to have a personal tissue box in their cubby.  At the time I remember thinking that my class wouldn't go through 20 tissue boxes the whole year, what a waste of tissues. I don't kill the environment, absolutely not.  We went through 5 last week. I'm going to start taking her advice.

Best Moment of the Week:

Me: "I'll see you on Monday friends!"

L: "Miss Glass there's no school tomorrow?"

Me: "No, friends tomorrow is the weekend. We don't have school tomorrow, or the next day.  But I will see you on Monday!"

Whole Class: "Awwwww"

Funniest Moment of the Week:

M: "My baby sister is here! Friends want to touch my baby sister?"

Grossest Moment of the Week:

5 tissue boxes. Nuff said.

Goodbye Teachers and Friends,

Miss Glass

Walking Art Project

Dear Friends,

     Today is Tuesday, September 13, 2011. The weather today is sunny. I predict the weather tomorrow will be sunny.  The color today is gold. The shape today is a square. The letter of the week is an Ee. This is a big E. This is a little e. Some words that begin with E are eagle, empty, exit, eggplant, and elephant.

                                                            Love, Miss Glass

Walking into the gym today I was stopped by the owner.  He told me I should check a mirror before working out.  Ouch. Not something you want to hear walking into a gym. I mean I would have joined months ago but I was a little busy learning how to close the achievement gap.  A little more self-conscious than I was 5 minutes earlier in the car, jamming to Jonie Mitchell's A Case of You, I looked in a mirror.

My hair was tied in a knot on top of my head. Pretty standard.  Decorating the bun was a fine tip black crayola washable marker, a clothespin (with R's name on it), and a paintbrush. There were remnants of blue painted fingerprints circling my eyes (habit of rubbing my temples when I'm stressed).  I was wearing a green stopwatch around my neck (my clock necklace).  My once black top had become multicolored from glitter (the herpes of arts and crafts).  I thought I looked pretty good.

Best moment of the day:
Me: "Goodnight Y. I love you. I will see you when you wake up."

Y: "Hey, Miss Glass?"

Me: "Yes, Y?"

Y: "I want to be a teacher when I grow up."

Funniest moment of the day:

*O received a band-aid yesterday because he bumped his leg. There was no cut.

O: looks at me terrified, his band-aid is slowly falling off
Me: "Oh, I'm sorry O. Sometimes band-aids come off. Life is hard."

O: as the band-aid falls off he walks away limping. a group of big kids walk up to him and let him lean on their shoulders.

Grossest moment of the day:
S: "Miss Glass I just woke up from my nap and there's spit all over my mouth and my mat but I have no idea how it got there!"

Goodbye Teachers and Friends,
Miss Glass

The Benjamin Button Experience

Dear Friends,

     Today is Monday, September 12, 2011. The weather today is sunny. I predict the weather tomorrow will be rainy.  The color today is silver. The shape today is a crescent. The letter of the week is an Ee. This is a big E. This is a little e. Some words that begin with E are elephant, elf, egg, escalator, and eraser.

                                                            Love, Miss Glass

Though I thought entering the real world post-college would mature me, I'm having second thoughts. After rolling around on the floor begging my roommates to get a dog I found myself actually saying d-d-dog.  Every time I refer to one of my preschoolers, I start with, "I was talking to my friend so-and-so".  Before I open anything with a seal, I find myself chanting "Try your best! You can do it!" The toilet is called the potty, my favorite book is Chrysanthemum, and I count down the minutes until recess.

I started a blog because I'm pretty convinced that by the end of the school year I will be a 4-year-old, and I needed to document the evidence along the way.  Some of the stories are scary.  There's a lot of crying involved, a roomful of runny noses, and even some poop experiences.  But despite all the gore, I get to be greeted by the smartest, most rambunctious, big kids five days a week.

Best moment of the day:
D: "Miss Glass, R is my friend."
Me: "D, that's nice. Thank you."
D: "Yeah, we love each other no matter what."

Funniest moment of the day:
M: "ARRRRRRR, Miss Glass, ARRRRRRR!"
Me: "What's wrong?"
M: "Well, I'm just being a pirate, duh."

Grossest moment of the day:
M: "Miss Glass I'm sorry I pooped my pants."

Goodbye Teachers and Friends,
Miss Glass